Name: Amber Pearl
How did your addiction start?
My addiction started around the time I started smoking meth. It was a 3-year addiction that put me in a pretty dark place. After I walked away, I went to alcohol. It was slow at first, but I didn’t realize the whole time I was using it to cope. I was depressed, I didn’t like myself, I was alone. That was the biggest thing I always felt alone. When I moved to Idaho in 2011, it’s when it blew up. I met my late fiance, and that’s what we did. At the time I guess we were both in the same place mentally. We started drinking every day around year 3 and never looked back.
What was your experience when you were under the influence of drugs/alcohol?
It was horrible. I didn’t think so at the time, but it ended up being one of the reasons I lost my fiance. I was out of control. I said horrible things, did awful things, hurt those I loved. Got a DUI in 2007, and could have killed others and me. And even after that I still didn’t stop. It made me numb, that’s why I drank. I didn’t want to feel the depression and anxiety, but I was making it worse.
When did you reach the point where you felt its time to fight addiction?
February 6th, 2017, I will never forget. The day he passed, and the day he saved my life, kind. I was utterly depressed, really alone and honestly wanted to die. I didn’t have alcohol anymore either, at the time to me that was sad. A month later though, I was admitted to the hospital, after going to my dr with jaundice in my eyes. I was transported after that hospital didn’t have the right equipment they needed for me. Now my liver collapsed during this, and I’ve been diagnosed with alcoholic liver disease: significant nerve damage to my legs and various other things. I remember praying I would die, that the lord would take me and let me be with j. I didn’t want to live anymore sober or not. That night I died, the crash cart brought me back. And when I opened my eyes, I was reborn in my mind, my heart a second chance was born. It was given and take, the Lord gave, and I lived. I changed everything down to the way I parted my hair haha, everything.
How was your journey towards sobriety?
Hard, not every day but it’s a lot of work. I did a 180, choosing sobriety and life meant never drinking again, being super dedicated to the diet the Drs gave me. Working on my mindset since it had been so damaged, I couldn’t even deal with regular life, people upset me, and I would walk away.
I needed my voice back. I am working on getting my muscles back since I lost them in my illness. Coming to grips with what I had done, and grieving all at the same time.
How does life feel now?
More amazing then I could even imagine. I would never go back, and I continue to work on myself, personal and career. My relationships with others are stronger than ever; I started you tube channel to help and be an example. I help with suicide awareness and give insight and honesty to those who suffer and are willing.
What message would you like to give to people who are struggling with drug/alcohol addiction?
You’re not alone, and you always have a voice. You can and will survive addiction if you are dedicated and being your best friend instead of your worst enemy still helps. If you need help, get it your worth it.
Thank you, Amber, for sharing your story.
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