Morgan Scherer, Alabama, 34 Years Old, Was An Alcohol Addict
I’m not sure I can pinpoint an exact event. I believe alcoholism/addiction is a disease and I genuinely think it is something.I was born. I watched my sister cause havoc in the family and swore I would never be that way. It was always something I couldn’t control no matter how hard I tried.From the age of 15, there was still some high I was chasing after; drugs, sex,alcohol, eating disorder… all of it!
As a teenager I was full of constant lies; almost as if I didn’t know how to tell the truth. I had to hide my world.In my early 20s, I was “invincible.” Coke will do that to you. My life revolved around working in bars, getting high all throughmy shift and using alcohol to come down. I became a blackout drinker, and that continued until I got sober at 32. Every single Time I drank, I blacked out.There was no point in drinking if I didn’t have enough to get me there.It was to thepoint that I would consciously tell myself before heading out to an event or party, “I will not be the drunkest one tonight.I cannot blackout. I have to pace myself.” I could never do it. It’s like once my body/brain hit a certain point, the lightswent out. One minute I’d be fine and the next drink would send me into a blackout.I was always consumed with feelings of shame, guilt, and terror of what I did or said the night before; afraid to look at my phone and see the damage I did.The alcohol heightened my anxiety and the only way I knew to settle it was to drink more. It was a vicious cycle.
I was 32 years old with a wonderful husband and a nine-month-old son with whom I suffered severe postpartum depression. I was going to lose everything, I felt it. I’d put my son in danger, lying to my husband, my skin was crawling with anxiety. I was miserable. I woke up one day and decided I couldn’t do it anymore. My son and husband deserved better. I deserved better.
I had been in and out of the rooms of AA/NA throughout my life, although I was never ready to receive the message and was only there because I was court ordered. However, I knew it worked. I had seen it work. I knew it was a robust program. The day I surrendered, I knew exactly where to go. I walked into an AA meeting at two days sober & have never looked back.
It is like a dream. Everything I have ever strived for in life has come to me in sobriety. I have an excellent relationship with my two-year-old son who, by the grace of God, will never remember me as a drunk. My husband has stuck by my side every step of the way. I have set boundaries with toxic family members and focus only on the things that bring peace and joy into my life.I currently volunteer for two nonprofit organizations that are very near and dear to my heart; Pregnancy and Postpartum support MN and the Minnesota Recovery Connection. It is my responsibility to live my best life by sharing the gifts that have been given to me. I use the Instagram community as a vast channel for hope and inspiration. At first, it seemed impossible. It then became new and exciting. That settled and it became uncomfortable, weird, and very confusing. Today, I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.
There is an easy way to live, and it is OK NOT TO BE OK!!! You are no less of a person for reaching out for help or admittingyou are entirely licked. The world NEEDS more courageous humans to come forward with their struggles and spread the message of hope and inspiration. Every single thing you are searching for in that bottle (or drug of choice) will indeed only be found in sobriety; I promise you that.
Be A Fighter. Fight With Addiction. Be Sober…Be The Change